They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
