somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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