the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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