I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
