Your tits are I can't wait for
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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