My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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