Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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