we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
