youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We are all done wearing pants today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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