Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
