Christians are straight up FREAKS
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
