Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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