whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
