Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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