one two three fourrrrnication!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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