Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
