Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just cropdusted the office
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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