Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
