so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
