Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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