was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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