I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
