i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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