found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
