Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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