Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
