I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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