Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
