party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
