Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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