I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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