spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
