she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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