I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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