Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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