This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
