problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
