i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
