Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
