On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The best revenge is premature balding
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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