i don't like sucking hair
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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