Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
