i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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