My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
