Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
