where am i from again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My vagina is officially offended.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
