You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
