Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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