Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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