well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
