Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
