remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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