I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
