"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
