Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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