yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
