i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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