Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
