I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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