would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
