I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
