I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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