and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
