so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
