I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
