go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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