You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
