So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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