She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
