I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
