Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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