I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
