i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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