dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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