we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
