I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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