I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
