The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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