Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
