There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
