Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
