Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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