I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
