She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
