you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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