so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
