I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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