Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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