the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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